spazztronix.

in the voice of my stomach: i should visit the grease trucks before i leave this place. want anything? (click to know.)


right now, i am in the middle of new brunswick on the second floor of a cozy home where i am trying to get to sleep, but the warm glow of the internet repeatedly seduces me. my legs are taking turns falling asleep before i do, and when i was 5, i used to think that the feeling was caused by the haunting of all the insects i killed in my life...their spirits up and down my legs reminding me of my evils. i am distracted by the slope of the ceiling, it's the kind of room under the roof that the rowdy teen son in a band has. i've always wanted my room to be one of these...

been feeling awfully tender lately. really coming into my own with my past and patterns. reading a lot of work by third wave feminists. very much moved by the lot. it's making connections in me that i am still trying to articulate. in the attempt, i spent an earlier portion of the evening crying due to recent revelations. i am splitting a futon on a floor with a fave of mine, and while it is the perfect temperature, i still can't manage to doze off.

in the work that i do, i am heartbroken to see that a petition stands at about 130,000 signatures, when another that urges the end of human rights violations back home only has 2,000 signatures (i am even rounding up.) i am not/shocked. i am not/sad. i am not/impressed at the proof that we are so comfortable in being scared. i think about what it would mean to live a life without attachments. how i would be able to pick up and go. how i can live with devotion. i wonder what this looks like. i wonder if this is a realistic future.

hell, i can't even live without the internet. this is the contradiction.

dr.'s family is a fantastic one. tangentially, i would like to share that the wi-fi network here is called "afropino" which accurately describes the make up of this household. this family consists of givers. it supplies members what it needs...whether that means legos, ladies night out, or robust spirits. if i were to have a family, i would want it to look like hers. but let me not worry about that this second. but really, so very grateful for the women in my life who are supportive, and do not shame me for my shortcomings. or for loving shorter men. i can feel myself appreciating the more frequent slight swells of the heart, and just being more accepting of love and care from this set of fantastics. thank you,lady friends. (oh my! i am SOOOOO feelings right now.)

aside: i've come to the conclusion that modern day genocide is a really difficult and fascinating read. man. again, not the genre in which to take too many liberties.

(hi corinne. hi chris. hi helene. you are the only people who read this blog. i think. )